You know their coffee order. Do you know what’s on their mind?

Did you pay it? What time is pickup? Is there anything for dinner?

You talked all day. But did you actually meet each other?

Picture someone you love sitting across from you. You can predict what they’ll order. Try a different question: what has been weighing on them this week?

If you’re not sure, there’s a place to begin.

The Harvard Study of Adult Development has linked the quality of relationships with later wellbeing. Those connections can include partners, friends, family, and people in the wider circle of our lives.

Think of someone you care about. What have you been meaning to ask them?

Try: “What’s been taking up the most space in your head lately?”

Then leave enough silence for an answer you couldn’t have predicted.

Imagine they say they feel stuck. Before offering a plan, ask: “Would it help to talk it through, or would you like ideas?”

Listening is something you can offer even when a solution isn’t.

A cup of tea. A short walk. A few minutes with the phones elsewhere.

Choose a moment that fits your actual life. Give the conversation a little room to wander.

Tonight, ask one question you don’t already know the answer to.

You may know their routines by heart. You can still be curious about the person living inside them.